Let's Talk

In our field, Spencer and I do a lot of talking, but more importantly we do a lot of listening. When I first became a Realtor in 1999 I felt I was a decent communicator but I found I had quite a bit to learn. The main point is active listening is different from listening. Having a dialog is not the same as two people performing monologues for each other. I know it's tough to be an active listener, we have so much to say and we're all so busy that often we don't truly hear the other person. We simply wait for them to stop talking so we can start.

I clipped an article from Realtor magazine several years ago. While the tips were written for agents interacting with clients they are universally applicable. I'd love to acknowledge the author but I don't have the full article so please don't sue me if you recognize your words and ideas here.

I'm going to share these in two posts. Here's the first half of the list:

-Talk with, not at others. This is the "simultaneous monologues" concept. Rather than waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can have your chance, listen, really listen, and reply to what was said.



-Avoid interrupting. In the course of my work I find I have the same conversations over and over with different sets of clients. The information/questions/concerns aren't new to me and it's tempting to chime in to keep things moving. As the author says, "doing so assumes too much and makes (clients) feel marginalized." Same goes for interpersonal relationships. Who hasn't had the experience where you realize someone is trying to get you to "skip to the end" because they've already determined how to respond. That doesn't make you feel as if you've been heard does it?



Value silence. This is a tough one. Want to see how hard? Practice tonight on your partner. Don't reply immediately, take a moment to consider what was said and reflect before you reply. This shows you are really listening and not simply waiting for your turn. Now, you can't do this after every sentence or your partner will smack you upside the head, but you get the idea. The person I know who is naturally the best at this is Eric Magneson, General Contractor with Magneson Hoyt Construction. After a conversation with Eric you come away feeling you've been heard. He is a Zen master at valuing silence. In a good way Eric, I'm not teasing you.



Paraphrase. Again, not something you do constantly or you really will get a smack in the head, but when appropriate, paraphrasing what the speaker said in the form of a question checks with the other party that you understand what they mean. I often say something like, "So what I hear you saying is X, is that right?" Sometimes I'm right on the money, other times I'm not.



So, that's it for now. I'll post the rest of the list in a day or two.



Note to self: do a quick post on "writing tics" soon. They're like "verbal tics" but much more insidious. I've deleted more than I care to admit from this post.